Water (recast)

Oh what an overcast morn! And oh how

it causes my heart to bleed out as I

watch a black bird float alone in the sky

ever so slowly on currents of air.

Yearning to cry out in warning of mind,

“swiftly take flight, o spirit befeathered

fly ‘pon the wind ‘cross the dome of the sky,

take leave of this place, of this most ruinous life.”


I utter no sound, and not even a

thought do I spare from my mind, but instead

hold guarded my tongue, e’en as this black beast

holds my eye with its own, catching my mind

and locking my soul in a battle most

desperate, trapped in a struggle between

the gaze of beast and loss of the real.

And as he flies off, I sink to the ground. Broken.

3 responses to “Water (recast)

  • dtdeedge

    Water (Original)

    Oh, what an overcast morn!
    And Oh, how it
    causes my heat to bleed!
    A single,
    solitary blackbird
    ever so slowly,
    upon currents of air.
    My mind tells me
    to cry out,
    to make this bird
    escape life,
    to make it fly,
    fly away.
    But I hold my tongue
    as the bird holds my eyes,
    I cannot look away.
    My mind lurks
    in extreme fascination,
    locked in a struggle
    with logic
    and this bird.
    Then I watch him go
    and I sink to the ground

  • jdunn1974

    Wow. To escape the dome of the sky. Wouldn’t that be nice. This one makes me sad, but in a beautiful kind of way that represents a hope that may still be there.

    • dtdeedge

      This is one of my first attempts at Iambic Pentameter. Tricksy and beautiful to structure words rather than free-flow.

      This one is sad to me. There was hope, but for me, the hope drops out with the last line (of the recast version).

      By the way, I wrote this at Yorktown Battlefields. On the river side of the fence – I climbed through to watch the river meet the bay.

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