Leave

Look into my eyes so that I may tell myself what to think.

I can’t remember what the feeling is and how much it knows.

But you recall,

you never left,

and that is my haunting, my pain and price for mistake.

The well inside, the reservoir of emotion

has quickened to a boil

everything erupts.

From the ashes, the terrible agonizing remainder

rises the fiery phoenix god of anger,

my revenge on myself for rejection by my self.

I no longer ask for you to understand,

and I yearn for the false glory,

attentions from the careless,

signs upon my body read messages for the damned,

untold unsung unknown and together all together here forever.

Run out once more,

please leave my company

to invite the sweet vampire pain to embrace my mind

to fill your seat.

Depart from my eyes, strike down my pride, just shatter the illusion

the gift gone go lucky feeling happy play.

We all know, we can all see the little child crying,

crying for attention,

falling for attention,

dieing to be with you.

Desperation is the game,

loneliness the sin,

loneliness the reward.

Desperation is my sin, my bounty, my child.

.

8/1/96

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2 responses to “Leave

  • jdunn1974

    Is this about reconciling personal pride with arrogance?

    • dtdeedge

      This one is tricky. There are many things going on simultaneously here. I wrote this while I was essentially transitioning from childhood to adulthood.

      There are some complications in who ‘you’ is in this poem – sometimes the reader, sometimes a specific individual, sometimes myself, and I think the Devil at one point.

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