An Obvious Descent

Awaking or Sleeping

Things fall to the ground and are spoiled.

If I stumble and fall,

I shall arise wounded

and dirty.

so I stand,

careful,

wicked.

Things spiral

as music,

and I no longer look,

for I do not remember what to see.

Realization

Things fall and carry me with them

to that place where nothing works.

Where do they keep my dreams,

and how much to steal them back?

It’s wasted and worthless,

the battle to hold things aloft,

to keep them all where I want them,

yet how could I let my self stop caring?

Factualization

I look down finally,

to see a plane above me,

broad even to the horizons.

I kept walking until I was below,

below down.

I stopped watching,

and now I see trees have bloomed

without whispering to me

of spring.

MY tree still sleeps and I must feel responsible.

I cannot feel the sway of the breeze

and I can no longer taste the stories of the rain.

Where did this water come from,

and why is it snowing?

Reflection

I walk past my footsteps.

I want to know how I got down

and so how to find my way

back out.

But it has all been filtered

to that place

where nothing works.

Here,

yesterday is no longer a story,

but a riddle.

Sounds echo back,

“what did you do last night?”

Problemization

This is it I say,

AGAIN.

What does ‘it’ mean?

Questions to open,

caches blown to nothing.

“everything goes to nothing,

and we all race towards nothing,

nowhere.

But can they see down here,

with their giant eyes?”

Have I exchanged my ears

for these idiot ears?

Oh what I once had!

Oh, what I no longer remember!

Lamentation

Down here it is too bright.

These fallen things that trap me

trap the light as well.

The light lives here

(or is dying here,

growing stronger here,

who can tell?)

So I am blinded.

This place

(again where nothing works)

has no music,

and it is only this dull fucking light!

I have again strangled my muse,

evidence on this page,

for a slice of false peace.

I have much to say,

yet here I do not listen to myself.

False peace.

Promise now

(as I was a fallen fruit,

it is strange to taste the dying light)

I will.

But to redress is to work,

and this place invites sloth.

Glorification

Now I see my dreams,

and where they have gone.

Now I see where my footsteps began.

You are there,

my pets,

and we will be together,

dancing while we damn the world

for her beauty and injustice.

How long did I practice?

How many deaths did I invite to discover that magic?

How could I have lost that embrace,

to fall so very low?

The magic can change this place,

make everything work.

Reconstruction

I huddle here, searching,

probing these weaknesses.

I clutch those fallen things,

have they been discarded?

I clutch them to build.

I need that shell once more,

that magic-distance.

I can invite you in,

but I must construct it first

(I will disregard kindly,

that ‘you’ misplaced,

for this is only for me).

I must live it first.

Things have changed,

yes.

But I shall balance those evils

against this light-fallen-make-all-things-work magic.

Vocalization

Dance with me,

I say,

to me.

Dance with me and we will make the music return.

Dance down here,

between these fallen things,

indeed through them,

within them.

I know this place well,

how this nothing brings me my strength.

I use it.

I knead it.

Nothing.

I need it.

Read it.

Study it.

Learn you fucking dull bastard!

(again, as if in reference for myself later,

you is you).

Repetition

Do I sense a repeat?

Or can I sincerely say, “only practice”?

Repeat – of necessity,

practice – again and again.

Tune it here,

where nothing works

and move those fallen things

to music.

With eyes closed, look at dreams,

They will not come while you are dieing,

so live to invite the return.

They are strength here,

the only life

in this dieing light

(remember the fallen things)

The hope that calls to the light,

the music.

Remember the little yellow piece of paper

and the magic you destroyed with it?

Bring back the dreams

and force them to stay.

Yes, I feel already the strength they impart,

the knowledge they have gained

during their slumber.

That dream is not of you,

but rather

working through you.

It is magic you dream from the world

(you here is I),

and which is controlled by spirit.

Interrogration

I return.

Again down here.

The loved me before,

those dreams,

but left them,

I let them go.

No I curse my false peace,

and call for that magic insanity!

Oh, but remember,

I must repeat-and-control

and fly-and-escape.

Did I think that land gone,

gladly celebrate its vanquish?

Do I remember higher purity?

Can I go back,

back from down here?

Visualization

Down here is confusion.

I see I am lost.

There is no landscape,

for I have destroyed it.

There are only things fallen,

I see how they are in ruin.

Ruin of dreams

and of pain

and pf liberating insanity.

Gone are my mountains

and stars,

chilly streams and depthless lakes.

But I look to the sky

(for now a sky surely exists),

and I almost imagine the dark silhouette

of those ancient,

forgotten hills.

I nearly glimpse the faintest twinkle of stars,

yet all is as a dream of fever,

gone and scarred over.

Initiation

Down here my strength is illusion.

I cannot see my foes,

for I am ignorant,

and thus they of me.

I push it all away,

I writhe myself inside.

I must hurt now,

and I cannot gladly invite.

I will rediscover the magic,

and I will keep it this time.

Desanification

Down here it is gloomy,

my twisted smile barely reflects the light

that is afraid to look in my eyes.

I can now find my dreams,

I can now feel them bite.

I can again and find that madness.

Soon,

soon.

I am coming back now.

.

4.14.99

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6 responses to “An Obvious Descent

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