The taste,
That feeling –
It brings me to the border,
Just to the edge.
I go back,
Remember.
Bit it brings nothing new,
I yearn to create.
I have seen
Another way,
A different path to take me there,
But the slope edges up.
I sit
In resignation,
Blind to a fate set for me
By unseen hands.
February 7th, 2014 at 11:43 pm
Liked this even better the second time with that slope that edges up.
I would go with “fate set me” and feel the last line is unnecessary because that is how people understand fate (yes, which means you’d need something else there to keep the four lines).
Each stanza reads like the frustrated movement you describe, but not overwhelming like your poems last year. A bit stilted, which conveys nicely your attempt to go back.
February 8th, 2014 at 12:07 pm
Hmm,
i shall need to revisit that last like,
It may have been overly hasty.
February 8th, 2014 at 12:07 pm
That last like??
February 8th, 2014 at 12:12 pm
Sorry,
Last line.
New tablet –
Nexus 7,
And a houseful of children
Lead to a few typographical mistakes.
By the end of the poem,
I had already moved on,
The last line is a filler,
A pause where my mind had run away.
Sometimes I tend to instaneity
And forego thought,
Rather spurting forth lines.
This is such a case.
February 8th, 2014 at 12:13 pm
I am thankful that you saw the discontinuity.
Your attentive gaze doors not go unnoticed,
And I hour,
Not unthanked.
February 8th, 2014 at 12:13 pm
*does. Damn Nexus.