Monday Evening

Simon,

I am sorry I missed your call.  Or, more aptly, I am sorry I have missed the past few calls.

That is a lie.  Two lies. I did not miss your call. I simply didn’t answer. And, I am not sorry. That is something new, but something that you taught me. I no longer enjoy oral communication. It is unwieldy and inaccurate. I know you used to relish it, that connection. It is not true, and you have only been fooling yourself.  I’m wrapping up with the written word too. In fact, it is that communication that I am starting to shun.  All communication.

It is apparently a night for irony.

I’m not sure why you called, what you were expecting to find. I don’t know if you are on another Truth binge, hoping to preach of the Universe and Metaphysics. If so, please spare me. I haven’t even spoken with my mother or brother in ages – I have little patience for your ‘Truths’.

In fact, I think I have abandoned Truth altogether. Sure, from time to time I ponder my nature in this place, this illusory dimension of perception. Am I an Ego? An individual quanta of consciousness, or am I a wave on the sea of all that is?  But these thoughts are fleeing, passing remnants of vistas that, of old, carried import in my mind. No more.

I have surrendered to unconsciousness.  I have been beaten down by the collective ignorance, destruction, and selfishness of this place. This Truth that you pursue, or used to pursue, hinges on your ideals of an absolute, inner, and innate goodness – in effect, a hopeful myth. You hold to your dreams as the weak hold to Karmic retribution. Myth.

You can have these words, these vistas. Take back those dreams and ideals of perfect potential. I need them no more. I care for them no more. I am no longer the man you knew – too much has passed, to many dreams not realized, to many tastes of the cup of mortality. I have read the Truth written in Higgs’ implications. I am the very definition of insignificance, of ephemerally and impermanence. I have no soul, no legacy, no eternal nature.

I am not.

Do not call again.

dtdeedge

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